Elvis Costello: The Return of the Spectacular Spinning Songbook

Elvis Costello is one of those artists I think should be more famous. Yes, I know that he is famous, but it just seems someone that talented should be more famous. On December 6th the Super Deluxe Edition of his new album “The Return of the Spectacular Spinning Songbook” will be available. In a strange twist Elvis is urging fans not to buy the Super Deluxe Edition.

On his website he has posted the following:

"Let's make things sparkling clear"

We at www.elviscostello.com find ourselves unable to recommend “The Return Of The Spectacular Spinning Songbook” as the price appears to be either a misprint or a satire.

All our attempts to have this number revised have been fruitless so we are taking the following unusual step.

If you want to buy something special for your loved one at this time of seasonal giving, we suggest, “Ambassador Of Jazz” - a cute little imitation suitcase containing ten re-mastered albums by one of the most beautiful and loving revolutionaries who ever lived – Louis Armstrong.

The box should be available for under one hundred and fifty American dollars and includes a number of other tricks and treats.

Frankly the music is vastly superior.

If you should still want the component items in the above mentioned elaborate hoax, they will be available separately at a more affordable price in the New Year, unless you are one of those pirates who imagines they are evangelists or that other people’s rights absolve their own thievery, in which case this is between you and your dim conscience.

Tickets are currently on-sale for the Spectacular Spinning Songbook appearances in the U.S., U.K. and Europe during April, May and June of Spring of 2012. More dates will be announced in the very near future.

The Super Deluxe Edition is over 200 dollars. The statement makes more sense now though doesn’t it? For 200 dollars you get a CD, a DVD, and a 10” Vinyl EP. The recordings are from a live set that occurred over a 2 night stand in Los Angeles in May of 2011. The set is limited to 1, 500 copies and come with an autographed card from Elvis Costello. There is also a 40 page hard cover book with photos, a tour diary a concert poster, and a post card. That’s a lot of stuff, but I think I’ll be waiting like Elvis suggests.

Holiday Gifts for the Non-Comic Fan

With Thanksgiving behind us the avalanche of Christmas themed items is upon us. The radio stations are playing the songs, the televisions channels are dusting off those Christmas specials, and ever geek related website is getting a list of potential gifts for you to give to your non-comic reading fans. Every year I see the lists of trade paperbacks and other comic paraphernalia; all I can do is shake my head. If I know a friend or family member doesn’t like comics, I have the perfect gift for them….SOMETHING OTHER THEN COMICS. A nice bottle of booze, a video game, a movie they like, etc…

I realize that the comic book community is shrinking; it does need new readers to survive. You can absolutely be an ambassador to your hobby and promote it all you want. Are you really helping things along by handing out comics as presents to your non-comic reading buddies? Can you imagine if people who were interested in other hobbies did that? I have a friend that likes to golf; I can happily say I’ve never gotten a golf related gift.

So this year save that copy of Watchmen for later and go get your friends something they really want.

In The Grim Dark Future There Is Only Nerf

For the past few months both Ken and I have been fairly immersed in the 41st millenium. It is a universe of militaristic science fiction were life is dark and the future outlook is grim, also know as "grimdark". It makes for a great setting for a tabletop wargame were everyone is constantly at each others throats, but it can get just a bit dull when delving into the background stories. That is were Sandy Mitchell comes in. He is the writer of the Ciaphas Cain series of books.


Cain is a Commissar in the Imperial Guard. Commissars are morale officers responsible for discipline. Most Commissars are only good at the discipline part of their job, killing anyone for the slightest infractions. Cain on the other hand is all about the morale bit, and shows quite a bit of concern for those under his charge. On the surface that is. In reality he shows that concern in order to get the troops on his side, mainly so he does not get shot in the back and has an abundance of human shields when it gets dicey. Through a combination of pure luck and a shrewd mind for saving his own ass, Cain has become a living legend.

The book series is a sort of memoir of Cain looking back on his numerous adventures. The series is a super fun read so far. They come at the world of Warhammer 40k from another perspective, one of a "normal" guy just trying to make it in "the grim dark future where there is only war". I would recommend picking up an omnibus or two if you are into Warhammer at all or have read any of the Black Library books. My only complaint is that Mr. Mitchell tends to use the defining characteristics of the characters pretty much every time he talks about them, and it gets just a bit tedious at times. It is a small complaint though and the comedy infused in the stories breaks up the drab grey of the dark future.
I would be remiss if I did not tell you that the title for the blog today comes from a quote of Ken's at a DragonCon one year. It was said as a group of folks dressed as what can only be described as post apocalyptic goths armed with bright and unpainted NERF guns walked by.


On another note, if you have not seen "The Muppets" you need to as soon as possible as it is fantastic.


Have you read the Ciaphas Cain books? Don't care about 40k and wish I had just done a review of "The Muppets"? Let Your F'ing Voice Be Heard in the comments or on our Facebook page.

Flash Friday: Black Flash Friday

Happy Flash Friday everyone!  Today is Black Friday where everyone goes crazy trying to save some money on their Christmas shopping.  If you are going shopping today, remember to be nice to those poor people who are stuck at work today.

I wonder what he is shopping for.

Happy Thanksgiving

I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone that reads That F’ing Monkey. Especially those who pass the site on to others via their own websites, Facebook, etc… Brandon and I are honestly grateful that the oddness we put out on a daily basis is interesting enough for you to spend your internet time here.

And just because it’s a Thursday and it would feel wrong not to talk about booze…



If anyone does gravy shots tonight, please send in pictures! 2 parts gravy + 1 part booze.  Apparently Vodka is usually the booze of choice.

New Muppet Soundtrack

If you’re like me you still have the Green Album in your car’s CD player, but if you’re looking for something new to listen to you are in luck. The soundtrack to the new Muppet movie came out on the 21st. Music has always been important to the Muppet movies and this one is no different. Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords served as musical director of the movie and wrote two of the new songs. Check out the teaser video for the soundtrack to get a preview.

Make sure you watch the whole thing.  The Animal part at the end is fantastic, but I'm biased towards him anyway.

Replica Normandy Review

From looking at the articles on the site, there is no denying that I am a huge BioWare fan boy. I love their games. Baldur’s Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Jade Empire, Dragon Age, and we can’t forget Mass Effect. Mass Effect is something that consumes my thoughts. I become obsessive about the designs, the characters, the story, and the ships. It was heartbreaking to see the Normandy torn apart in the start of Mass Effect 2. I was cheering when the Normandy SR2 was revealed.

Because of these feelings I was very excited when Dark Horse announced that they were doing a replica of the Normandy SR2. I quickly pre-ordered and counted the days until it showed up at my local comic shop. With all of that setup you’re probably expecting a glowing review. I really give it one in good conscience though. Unless you are a crazed die hard, the replica just isn’t worth 35 dollars.

The Normandy measures just under seven inches in length. It is cast out of resin, so the details show through the mold, you just have to be careful it doesn’t take any dives off where ever you display it. It also comes with a display stand. The bad news is that the Normandy looks like I painted it. That is not a good thing. Seriously. The paint applications are sloppy and ugly. It really detracts from the model and makes it look cheap.

So in my opinion, the Normandy is a big letdown. I really wanted to love it. I was all ready to make ship noises and zoom it all over the house. Unfortunately it is the only replica available. Well there is another version of the Normandy, it’s identical to the one I bought but painted in the Cerberus color scheme. If you must have a Normandy on your shelf/desk/etc… this is sadly your only option.

UPDATE:  So after posting my review I see that "Antique" version of the Normandy has been solicited.  "This version is offered as a limited edition of 1,500 pieces, with a custom base treatment (not pictured) that is different from the regular edition."   It is retailing for 50 dollars  So now you can pay more for a model where they don't even bother to paint details.

I Blame Q

Another quick one this week. Putting out fires at work in the wee hours of the morn will do that.

Enjoy.


Next week we will get some laughs out of the grimdark world of Warhammer 40k with a very special Commisar. Stay tuned friends.

The Muppets and Ken O.

The new Muppet Movie is coming out next week. When the news first broke, I was very worried. As more and more details emerged I was skeptical, but I was starting to get excited. Then the parody trailers came out. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I really wanted to see the new movie. There is still a part of me that thinks the movie is going to be horrible, but it is the most excited I’ve been to see a movie in a long time. So what is the big deal about the Muppets anyway? Why do we keep bringing up Muppets on That F’ing Monkey?

The Muppet show premiered a month after I was born, so obviously I wasn’t watching it then. The series did run for 5 years though. I definitely grew up watching it. Those episodes stuck with me and while I didn’t realize it till later in life, they were teaching me important things that I still take with me. Animal was my favorite. There was no competition. I had an Animal puppet (I still have it actually) that I carried everywhere for a little while. Gonzo was next. After that it gets even more obscure, Uncle Deadly. He was the creepy looking Muppet who most remember from the Vincent Price episodes.  He fascinated me.

So as I got a little bit older, well I grew up strange. Most the people reading this probably felt the same way. Everyone is watching football and I’m thinking about monsters, T-Rex slap fights, and zeppelins. Although I found people with interests like my own, there were many times growing up that I wondered why I didn’t like the same things “normal” people did. Yeah, I was one of the weird kids in the back of the class. At some point in my early teens I came back to the Muppets.

I think it was the first Muppet movie. That great big group of weirdoes were saying if it made you happy, it was okay if you want to spend your life throwing boomerang fish. I think it was Nickelodeon who started replaying the original Muppet show. So many of the songs they sang just reinforced that it was perfectly alright if you were different. I’m not saying all my confidence comes from the Muppets, but some of it does. So I get a bit excited when I see Muppets.  I get a bit choked up thinking about Jim Henson.  And I'll be seeing the new Muppet Movie at some point next weekend.

Flash Friday: Eaglemoss Boomerang

Happy Flash Friday everyone! Today we’re talking about Eaglemoss again. I say again because this is the fourth time I’ve talked about their figures. I am a huge fan of the line and I’m always happy when I hear one of my favorite characters announced. For those of you who haven’t seen them before; the Eaglemoss line are hand painted lead figures who come with a magazine that talk about the character, their friends, enemies, and important story lines.

Today we’re looking at Captain Boomerang. This is the new and updated Boomer, reflecting the look he’s been rocking since Blackest Night. I have to be honest, I like his new look. It’s mostly the look his son wore, but I won’t turn this into an article about how Junior was mishandled. The figure sculpt is good, although with the outstretched arm and boomerang it is a little more fragile than most.

We’ve been seeing a lot more Boomerang merchandise since he got a makeover. The Action Force figure, the DC Universe Classics figure, and now the Eaglemoss figure. The more old school look showed up in the JLU three pack though. Captain Cold might be my favorite Flash villain, but I love all the Rogues, so I’m happy to see Boomer getting so much attention. When placed next to the Cold Eaglemoss, Boomerang seems tower over him. I know that is partly to the poses but I wish the line was scaled a little bit better.

Since we are talking about Eaglemoss I wanted to mention that they are doing a chess set with the Bat family of characters. I’m jealous and happy all at the same time. I’d love to have a Flash chess set with Eaglemoss figures but I’d hate to pay for it. I’m not exactly thrilled with their choices either. I’d want the pawns to be multiples of the same generic character; like Gotham cops and nameless henchmen.  Maybe when I'm not in the middle of painting armies, video games, and 18 other things I'll make my own chess set.

Hangover Thursday: Yuengling Tampa

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? Saint’s Row the Third has me sleep deprived, but not hungover. This past weekend I took a trip with the family down to Tampa to check out some of the sites. One of those sites was the Yuengling brewery. For those not on the East Coast Yuengling has the record for being America’s oldest brewery. The old one is in Pennsylvania, so obviously the one I visited was a little less historic.

Just because it wasn’t the oldest brewery doesn’t mean it wasn’t a fantastic visit though. To begin with they offer free tours. You can’t beat that price. The tour starts with a 10 minute video about the history of the company and then takes you into the actual brewery to explain the different parts of the brewing process. I’ve been to a handful of breweries so I’m familiar with the process, but our tour guide was very fun and informative.

The tour saves the best part for last, the actual beer tasting. They give you two decent sized glasses of any of the Yuengling brands. While the free tasting glasses aren’t a full bottle or anything like that, they are at least twice the size of the last tasting I went to. There is also a nice gift store with pretty surprising prices. When was the last time you saw 10 dollar shirts at a corporate owned store? If you’re in the Tampa area make sure to check it out.

Coon Skin Cap Guy

Today I have to share a video that is going to be huge.  I bring to you, the Coon Skin Cap Guy.

I'm hoping this gets song-ified.  I imagine we'll be seeing shopped images of this guy all over the internet pretty soon.  For now, just enjoy the original.

Please Stand By

Something didn't update correctly tuesday.  Expect to see things returning to normal soon.  Wednesday will update as usual.

A Long Time Ago In An MMO Not So Far Away...

So this weekend I was involved in beta testing of the upcoming MMO Star Wars: The Old Republic. And it was damn good times, so good in fact that I can't tell you anything about it. It is very fun and I would recommend that you pick it up when it comes out on Dec. 20th.

Sorry it is a short one this week, we are still having some computer issues at work and that is where I normally write.

So are you excited about SWTOR? Perhaps you would like to guild up with us F'ing Monkeys in game. Let Your F'ing Voice Be Heard in the comments or on our Facebook page.

Midnight Openings

Take pity on your local game store employees, they’ve been staying up late a lot lately. More specifically I’m talking about midnight releases. When game stores will open at midnight just so everyone can get their hot new release the second it becomes available. I haven’t been to many; I have a love/hate reaction to them. The first one I ever went to I was picking up Mass Effect 2 and wanted to hand out severe beating to a handful of the teenagers that I was in line with. Obviously I didn’t, mostly because I was afraid of not being able to go home and start playing my game.

The most recent was for Batman Arkham City. This one was more than a line of people waiting outside the store. There were people in costume and all sorts of games and give a ways. There were some people who acted like they don’t eat a large bowl of lead paint chips for breakfast every morning. At the end though, when we did need to get in line via our ticket number only like 6 people knew how to line up. The rest of the crowd just stood around in a big mass. I suppose it is possible I bunch of them didn’t know how to count past five, so the Southwest Airline style queuing procedure was beyond them.

I understand Digital Distribution, it circumvents all of this. But I like the people that work in my local store. I like chatting about game experiences or about what is coming out. It’s pretty likely that I’m going to brave the lines again Monday night although I’m already dreading that crowd. I’ll be there for Saint’s Row the Third, but a new Halo and Assassin’s Creed are also coming out that night. There was a secret midnight release once, I can’t talk about the specifics, but if you were involved with it and you’re reading this, just know that was awesome and I appreciate it. So have you done the midnight release thing?  How'd it go?

Flash Friday: Return to Flashpoint

Happy Flash Friday everyone! Before we get started due to last week’s delay, there was a Hangover/Flash Saturday last week. You can read that HERE if you missed it. I have to make a confession about this week’s Flash Friday. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. Like the protagonist in a Lovecraft story I think my sanity may be quickly slipping away from me. I only hope that by reading these words that you don’t start down the same path that I did.

I purchased the subject for today’s Flash Friday about a month ago and have been meaning to write about it since then. It was the same week I wrote about the Squatz. If you remember on that article I talked about how I wasn’t particularly thrilled with the look of Squatz and wasn’t going to spend even 8 dollars on them. And yet just days before that I bought a cardboard display and a full set of pins for the Flashpoint event; an event I was overall pretty disappointed (there were some exceptions). I won’t say what I paid for it, but considering it came with all the pins I think I got a pretty good deal. It was more then 8 dollars.

I had asked my local shop if I could buy it off them when Flashpoint was finished. It was before the first issue had even come out yet, so I was still naive about what was to come. I won’t say I was disappointed by the main Flashpoint story; I was more bored by it. No reaction might be worse than a positive or negative one. The problem was I had already committed to buy it. I suppose I could have backed out and let the store try to sell it to someone else, but I didn’t feel right about that.

So despite my feelings on the series I have the pin display on my shelf. Had I liked the series more I might have framed it. Right now it sits with the rest of my Flash collection, a trophy of mediocrity amongst all my favorite Flash stuff.

Hangover Thursday: One of Every Beer

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? I was beer free last night. Although it might have helped the monster headache I had. Today I bring very important beer news. Pop Chart Lab is holding a huge contest. Everyone that purchases one of their beer related charts between October 1st and December 31st will be entered to win one of every beer on their “Very, Very Many Varieties of Beer” chart.

Above is the Very, Very Many Varieties of Beer chart. That is a lot of beer. That you could win. Remember you get entered if you order a print or a shirt. Go over to Pop Chart Lab and check out their designs. You’ll be able to see their awesome charts in much better detail then I have posted here. And good luck in the contest if you order something.

Cards Against Humanity Expands

Back in June I talked about Cards Against Humanity (you can click HERE to check it out). The free to download card game had a really nicely put together physical copy that you could order from Amazon for just 25 dollars. One player lays down a black card with a question on it. Every other player lays down a white card with an answer on it. Funniest answer wins the hand. Oh yeah, and almost every question and answer are offensive or in poor taste.  I did order it and I’m very happy I did because the game is a crazy amount of fun and it sold out. For those of you who missed out, you are in luck. Cards Against Humanity is available on Amazon again. It is a simple game.

If you have a twisted sense of humor I can’t recommend the game enough. But what if you’re like me and already own the first box? Right now you can drop 10 dollars and get the very first expansion set! The new set has 80 new white cards and 20 new black ones. You also get 8 blank white cards and 4 blank black cards so you can come up with your own questions and answers. The fun of the game is surprising people with how inappropriate your answers are, so more options are always welcome. With the holidays quickly approaching how can you not want to have this game handy?

Shark Pool

There are three videos I keep watching on Youtube lately.  One of them would really only be funny to people familar with Warhammer, one is 30 seconds of Star Wars silliness, and then there is Shark Pool.  I can't properly express how much I love this video. 

Phil Coulson, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Those of you that have been following the Marvel Movie Universe will know the name Phil
Coulson.


For those that don't know, Phil Coulson is the glue that holds the Avengers lead-in movies together. He is quickly becoming a fan favorite character and is also the star of the Marvel One Shot shorts that are showing up on the DVD releases of the Marvel movies. If you have not seen "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Thor's Hammer" I would tell you to watch it as soon as possible.

Coulson is just a normal guy with no super powers, and yet he still holds his own when dealing with the egos of Tony Stark and Thor. He is played with a dry wit and supreme confidence by Clark Gregg. Now you may be asking why it is that I am bringing up a minor yet awesome character. Well it's because of this guy...


That's right, Joss Whedon. The director of the upcoming Avengers film is known for many things. Great writing that speaks to the audience, fleshed out characters, and killing your favorite member of the team. Look at the track record, he always offs that one character that you love. Tara, Wash, and even Penny in Dr. Horrible. Fans loved them. Fans love Coulson. All signs point to the fact that our favorite agent will not make it though the entirety of The Avengers.

Now I understand that the death of a character adds tension and a sense of peril for our heroes, you don't know that they will make it through this latest adventure. However Whedon, much like comics, seems to use death as more of a shock then as a real point of a story. When he kill Tara in "Buffy" people were shocked, Wash in "Serenity" people were shocked, Penny in "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog" people were expecting it. Now don't get my wrong, I love Mr. Whedon as much as the next fanboy, and I believe "Firefly" is one of the greatest shows ever made. His reputation does proceed him and the fans are now expecting a death to happen every time Joss is attached to something. I really hope I am wrong, but I am already preping myself to say good-bye to Phil Coulson, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

So what do ya think dear reader? Is Coulson in a bodybag? Perhaps you have your own theory on who will be in the coffin at the end of The Avengers? Let Your F'ing Voice Be Heard in the comments or on our Facebook page.

Hangover Thursday + Flash Friday: Flash Barware

Happy Flash Friday, how’s your head? Well that’s not quite right. It isn’t Flash Friday or Hangover Thursday and yet today is going to be like the two regular columns are combined on the wrong day. In my defense this was going to run yesterday, but I felt Friday’s news was important enough to put off everything else. So what topic could bring the two together? Flash bar glasses!

First up is something I’m really excited about. Shot glasses! I love shot glasses. Even after losing a couple brave souls to party mishaps, I have a lot of shot glasses. I do own an unlicensed Flash shot glass with his symbol etched into the glass. Now I can pick up the Justice League six pack and get a shot glass with a picture of the Flash. And it’s 100% official merchandise too! Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Green Arrow are also in the set. How often do you see Green Arrow stuff? That is pretty cool.

Shots are pretty fun. What’s better then shots? Drop shots! So we need some pint glasses. How about this set of four pint glasses? This is similar to the packaging I saw at Target recently, although those glasses had character artwork and didn’t include the Flash. This set is all symbols and logos. Even better, the Flash is included! Superman, Batman, and Green Lantern are the others in this set. I find it funny that the packaging includes a picture of Wonder Woman but she doesn’t have a glass in this set.

Since I’ve already talked about how I accidently became a collector of Flash glasses both of these set will have to be ordered. I wish the shot glasses were available individually though, I’d love to have one for display and one for use.

Cory Smoot, RIP

There won’t be a Flash Friday today. I woke up this morning to news that Cory Smoot, aka Flattus Maximus is dead. He was found on Gwar’s tour bus Thursday after a concert in Minneapolis. Apparently there is supposed to some sort of announcement today that will give a little more information. I feel sick.

I discovered Gwar my freshman year of high school when they released the album Scumdogs of the Universe. I’ve been to more Gwar concerts than any other band that I’ve seen. The character of Flattus is the Cro-Magnon alien; known for his red face, dreadlocks, and dinosaur shoulder pads. Seriously, our condolences go out to his friends and family.

Now a lot of the faces behind the masks have changed, especially under the Flattus and Beefcake masks. Cory had been playing with Gwar since 2002. It’s worth noting that Cory was part of Gwar’s current sound, which definitely got heavier than their earlier work. His first recorded album that he played on was War Party. 2009’s Lust in Space is also worth mentioning, because Cory wrote the song "Release the Flies" and played all the instruments on the song.

RIP  Cory.  If every will excuse me, I've got some Gwar to go listen to.

F’ing Update

I know what you’re thinking, where is Hangover Thursday? Never fear. We’ll have some Hangover and Flash talk tomorrow. Like chocolate and peanut butter, they’ll take even better when put together! Today I want to talk a little about the website. It has been a while since I’ve actually talked about what is coming up and what is going on behind the scenes etc…

The first thing I want to get out of the way is we now have over 400 posts. Somehow I was so busy writing about other nonsense that I totally missed the milestone. I will not make the same mistake when we hit 500. A big thank you goes out to the people who continue to read and to those who are following either on Google or on Facebook. We really do appreciate it.

If you were around last year you might remember we did all sorts of site updates and redesigns at the end of the year. I am not currently looking into doing that this year. I am happy with the layout and I am more than happy with our mascot Punch. You may see one or two minor tweaks, but it will pretty much stay the same.

I wouldn’t expect any large gaps in updates when the holidays roll around either. So if you need a ha-ha break during your trip to the in-laws house; we’ll be here. The last thing I wanted to mention, you’re going to be holiday shopping soon and we have the perfect gift right HERE.

Book Trouble

In September I picked up a new book series and got very into it. It was an incomplete trilogy at the time, but luckily for me the third book released a month after I had finished the second book. The actual book series isn’t the topic here today, so that really isn’t important. This is more about the third book in the series and more specifically how messed up my printing of the book is.

The picture above is of pages 48 and 49; or where they should be. Page 47 is right before them and page 50 is right after it. Obviously I wasn’t expecting random blank pages when reading. It confused me but I was reading late at night. There was no chance to run the book back to the store and replace it. Besides, it was only two pages. I’m a fairly smart guy, I figured I could piece together what happened and just continue reading.

There are five pages that look like exactly like what is pictured above. I guess it is really ten pages, not five since that is two separate pages. The printing just runs onto both the full page and the jagged one. I actually haven’t reached those pages yet, I just found them while flipping through the book looking for more blank pages. If the two pages are held together you can at least read them, so it makes them better then the blank pages at least.

Finally we have the third printing mishap. As you can see it looks just like the pages I was talking about just a moment ago, but this time we don’t have the jagged half page that contains half of the text on the page. There are three pages like this. I could probably piece together what is going on, but after blank pages, jagged cut pages, and half blank pages this book just needs to go back to the store. I did flip through another copy of the book the other day and did not see any of the issues that happened to my copy.

So has anyone else gotten a book like this before?

Warhammer 40K: The First Game

I’ve documented a little bit of my descent back into full blown Warhammer 40K addiction. Sunday I took the next big step forward. I boxed up all my little army men and went down to my local Games Workshop store and played my first game. Now I had played 15+ years ago, but the rules have changed three times since then so I’m going to just say I’m a beginner and leave out all that old history.

Today’s recap is going to be pretty easy to follow; I’ll keep game terms to a minimum for the non-Warhammer players out there. In the future we may run more detailed battle reports. The game basics were I was fielding 800 points of Salamanders. Not a lot of points, but except for one piece, it is everything I have assembled right now. My opponent was a local Tyranid player who took second place in the store’s tournament last week. I honestly was not expecting a win. Before we go into the report I have to mention my opponent was awesome at helping me through my first game.

We used a standard setup and we had three objectives to hold to win the game. I managed to steal the initiative. Both of our first turns were spent moving up our units. The second turn made things more interesting. My Dreadnought and my heavy bolter marine both scored a wound on his Tervigon (it has six to begin with). A Mycetic Spore drops behind one of my combat squads and two Zoanthropes attack the back of my Dreadnought. Their attacks blow up his multi-melta arm and immobilize him for the rest of the game. Shooting from his swarm of Gaunts manages to take down one of my Terminators. On my far right side his Warriors take out two of my marines.

I wasn’t feeling all that great at the start of turn three. Well I was having fun; I just didn’t think I was doing very well. The Mycetic Spore is destroyed after being hit with a flamer and heavy bolter. My Captain leads the Terminators in destroying the Zoanthropes with their thunder hammers. A combat squad and a swarm of Gaunts meet in hand to hand combat. 2 marines fall and 3 Gaunts are destroyed.

The game starts moving quickly now. The Tervigon takes another wound. My Terminators charge the Warriors, killing them, but lose two of their own in the process. My combat squad kills four more Gaunts. An area attack wipes out the remaining marines in that squad. In turn 5 the Tervigon is closing in on my heavy bolter squad. It looks like those 5 marines are going to die. Somehow the dice come up for me. My rapid fire bolters manage to wound. He manages not to make an armor save. The beast falls to the ground dead in front of them.

I was having a blast. Sadly I remembered way too late that I wasn’t supposed to just be shooting the bugs, there were objectives. The Tyranids had a mass of Gaunts holding one of those objectives; I didn’t have anyone remotely near one. We rolled and the game continued one more turn. I focused all of my fire on the Gaunts and killed enough to send them running. Neither of us had control af an objective, my first battle ended in a tie. Honestly I was thrilled to tie. I learned a lot during the game and will be better prepared for the next one. Hopefully I’ll have more painted then too.